I made mum cried tonight.
I do love him, as much as I try to deny it. Part of me have been caring for him, too much. He’s the first man for everything. And I know, tonight, probably will be the end of what it should be.
And scrolling back, to 4th October 2015 messages. I do realize how much, back then, we love each other. But it’s too late now, ila. Because you are too scared of letting people in your heart, you keep pushing him away. You keep making fight, and more fight for him to stay away from your life.
When will you stop? When will you let a man to enter your life? How long will this world of flying solo and lonely will be yours? Why can’t you give your all, risk it all for him?
How much is the pain will be, when you walk away from something, undone. You missed him, and you cry at night to sleep. You miss him, and you deny your heart. You want him, but you build a wall so high.
Learn to love ila. Learn to open your heart. Admit that you love him, fight for him, for once. FOR ONCE. For once..
Fight for him, like how you would fight for your dreams.
Fight for him, like how you always fight for the things you love the most.
Fight for him, because only Allah knows, if he is the right person for you.
Love him, for the sake of ALLAH.