And It Hit Again

It is hard to make this decision. I am at the middle of shaking things off, and to see if ES worth all my efforts, time and love. Currently, I’m in huge doubt. I don’t know if he can handle me at my worst. Been few days, he was there, assuring me, his existence and undivided love. Back during the time, we spend together. For once, I feel safe to be beside him. I miss that feeling. I want him to be beside me, and look me in the eyes, and to tell me, make the right decision. To choose him.

Well, it is hard to be the middle child. To grow up lacking with love, it is painful to admit. But that’s the truth. The elder should get more attention because they need to  have more responsibility. The younger should too, because they are growing up. And the middle? Live on your own. Too old to be care about, to young to make own decision.

18 years, living at home. while all other siblings went to hostel. Having high expectation from parents *because I live at home* 😦

Pressure, is what makes me struggle to get into uni and moved away from home. It is a painful life back then and now. I rarely have anyone to share my achievement, or what I have been doing to improve my own life. Maybe, after all, what I need is someone to be there. Who would ask me, every now and then, out of love, and out of comfort. He, who would understand, the meaning of being lonely, and to stand on his own two feet to survive.

x Aila


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