It was a sunny day on weekend. Had a great time spend with Asyikin. After few months, the first few hours was awkward. I realize something about me. I tend to filter a person before I talk. I tend to structured my story and think before I tell someone. This girl, who I use to share a lot of things, I filtered her too.
So we talk and share about life, throughout our lunch. Until, an old man came to our table to sell ayat alquran. Let me be honest, I am in desperate situation at that moment, to find a job, to cleansed myself from sin, and to get my life together. That suddenly, I remembered, dua and sadakah, would make your prayer came true. Have faith in ALLAH. And I did. Unlike nur azlila, that day, it was easy for me to take out rm10 for the old man. I gave him, for an ayah, that he explained. Read this ayah, and may you find ease in your difficulties, may you be grant your wish, may Allah helps you in all your affair. And I thank him. He resist my money at the first place and I insist. ‘Take it, I’m trying to find my job, and I wish Allah helps me, take my money, please’ and he took it. I’m relieved. I feel as if Allah is near.
He look at me, and said, may I be your friend? And I replied, I’m friend with everyone, every muslim is a friend, an ummah. Yet he insist, I wanted to be your friend. And I said, InsyaAllah, if God wills, we will be friend herein and hereafter. InsyaAllah, we will meet again. He walk to the next table as I gave salam.
Upon few minutes, I saw him rotated and came back. ‘May I have a sit and talk with you?’ I was puzzled, not knowing what to say,’but I’m talking with a friend here. We were talking about life.’ He replied,’Maybe I can join and give some advice on life too’ while he explain, about the life here and after in grave, 6feet below alone. life and death come together, as today we are so busy finding happiness in temporary life, we forget about the after life which is a second away from us. Which tomorrow could be us, in the ground, six feet below. I smiled, and agreed.
He look at me with his brown eyes, and said, open your heart, let me in. And I was speechless, what do you mean? And he told us, he could read asyikin aura, she was like a flower petal, rose petal each have a story, an open book which let people read her. But, I was not. I close my heart, like a flower, it did not open it. Like a chapter ended, I closed it. Open your heart he said. I was speechless, out of word. to his replied, tell me about you.
After a moment of silent, I look at him, what do you want to know? The table was quiet. With a fragile voice and glassy eyes, ‘I made a lot of mistakes, big mistakes’
And he said, it is like a blender. It blend. A blender. It blend to your life. And it is difficult to fix it.
I know, I blend it, I was used to it? But I wanted to change. I wanted a sinless life. Tho it is impossible since I rarely made taubah and keep missing my prayer.
He said, people hurt you too much? they cheated on you? they betrayed you? And is that a reason why you would not open your heart?.
I was devastated, ‘I don’t know. But I’m here telling stories with my bestfriend. I tell her a lot of stories.’
He ‘But you didn’t tell her everything, that a lot is not a lot. She don’t know you big mistake, she don’t know you’
I was speechless again. and I reply to no word.
He was not an ordinary man. And he was 100% right about me. Accept that, I could admit it infront. And he said, it has passed five minutes, I have to go.
Today, it brought me to think. A lot. Of my life and what I have done. Do I have time to repent for all my sins? While my friend admiring my success, and ALLAH covered my aib, will I have the heart to keep humble and walk down on earth?
I gave her a hug. Dear friend, in time when we don’t know any better. Find Allah, and seek guidance from Him. InsyaAllah. Jzk. Laila.