Jakarta, Work And Me

31 July 2015

I am on my ‘hot desk’ in office, looking after financial process and the nature of business around me. People here are friendly, nice and warm. I received so much knowledge in just a week. I learn the culture differences, I wear baju kurung on Friday and become their next hot Indonesian model walking around explaining my attire. Life is fine so far. Probably because I had experienced in my previous internship, I try not to take this job hard. Just nice and slow as this is only an operating company at overseas.

Life is good. I stay with a canadian’ish girl for 8 weeks, improved my english speaking and getting to know indonesian language too! The people here is too friendly and I am trying to spend time as much as I can to adapt this lifestyle as I am before, an independent alone person.

Like, whenever I wanted to walk home alone and drop by somewhere, there will always be friends or workmate who would walk me home and we talked like we have known forever. Which is why, it is quite difficult for me to get my own personal time to reflect upon my days.

Regardless, I am happy (as for now) and hope the day will be much brighter and so fourth. I have just become a mentor to my ULDP junior which I met before during MGAC 2015 at Nottingham University. And yes, ULDP is really a turning point in my life and I hope it is for him too.

Much hopes,

Ayla

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Raya In A Brief Of Time

Festive season again. Tho this year and last year does not make any different. It’s been few years since I bought any ‘baju raya’ to celebrate Eid. Years have passed, and the year do teaches me a lot.

Dad annual speech during our family gathering was, he claimed this year to be the fruitful year in the history. Of everyone achieving our own dreams. Of course, he was proud.

As for me, nothing really matter tho. I need to prepare mentally and physically for my next internship abroad, which I feel (as for today) that I am not well prepared.

Life has been really tough, while mom said that she was proud for me to complete my degree study and to go through trials alone. At least I know, that she know, I was and still am alone all this time.

Let just admit it, life is hard without a person who would be there through thick and thin. And I have been living for almost 7 months now, without anyone who is willing to hear my stories, give me support, and stare into my eyes out of burning angry love. But that’s ok (at least, that is what I been saying to myself)

It’s a lie, to not missing your memories. But perhaps, its true. Everybody changed by time. Except for me, the pain of having trust issues. The pain of being so selfish and emotionless. The pain of being under test of low social skills. Facts in my life.

I miss you, but I don’t need you. I miss being loved, but I don’t want to be in love. I miss being cared, but I choose not to care. I miss everything I ever had once, but I shall never ask for it twice.

You can be lonely in the most crowded place. Because often, that is what I felt.

Take care, Juliet. Your Romeo never came alive. Till then.

N.A.M.R

Another Crisis

2.10 am 15th July

Few days before departure, yet did not have the time to proceed with my visa application. Busy life huh? I would love to cancel my vacation and fly back to KL right now, but family over work matter.

I am making yet, another life decision to burn my business flight ticket including letting go all the benefits and to buy promo ticket to depart as I will delay my flight for quite some time. LOL this is really a big decision because I am the only one who choose to delay my flight. All for the reason of spending time with family. *family*

Sigh.. There is nothing I can do, really. All I hope is for the best and may everything goes well.

Till then, Salam Aidilfitri.

Desperate

I help those who know the meaning of suffering. Not pain but suffering.

In life, I have been let down by so many people. And the only reason I stand today, is because of me. I am indeed, as of today and will be forever be so full of myself. As I strongly believe, nobody is there to full heartedly help you during your worst time except yourself. So let me tell you this, never ever, ever depend on anyone except yourself and god.

I can help, I have the willing to help only at the certain amount. I don’t willingly help as when YOU asked for it. Because at the moment when you asked for it, and I know that you are not trying enough by yourself, it is the moment my desire to help just gone.