Friday, 19th Jun 2015.
Gloomy skies, cold air. It is my last day in campus after 4 years. Yesterday, I have been around, asking friends for feedback. What they think of me, what do I need to improve, what should I better in future.
Someone who knows me since first year till now, told me..
‘Ila, you are too sombong with others. I know that make you stand out. That is the reason why you are doing so well without caring about others, but maybe yeah, people have been saying that you are a lone ranger. Why don’t you be friendly a bit?’
This is the only comment that make me think of this morning before I packed my stuffs,
Mom have always taught me to be strong. Olders always advice me, that at the end of the day, you gonna fight your own battle alone. While years ago, I was so dependent on a person who I used to trust, who I thought would never leave me. And when I met ES, all I asked is for a prayer while he was away for umrah, to pray for me to be stronger.
Frankly, I do acknowledge how others react around me even tho I don’t really care.
While I was alone, shopping in a mall. Entering so-called luxury shop, and man tease me for buying expensive stuffs, and spending on my friends, spending ‘too much’ on myself. While friends criticize me, I speak in english too fast. And all the saying goes from friends and strangers. They say I was, “specially unique”. I never bother to know what does it mean.
Four years and, I did not make any friends who know me inside out. I don’t have a friend I can rely on. But 4 years taught me, to be strong, to be ambitious, to rise up whenever I fall.
To fall in love with myself over and over again.
In deepest admiration,